Are you Being Decieved???

Written when I was 18...

Deception=Satan's strongest tactic.

I am so upset with the church today because we as a whole have misinterpreted the Bible. We don't have a true revelation of God's truth. How many sermons have you been in where they give you steps as to becoming a "better" Christian. We get a list of Do's and Don'ts. What's wrong with that. We hear we can't do this, we can't do that, we have to do this, we have to do that. I'm sorry but if that's what it means to be a Christian, I want no part in it. There's no joy, and with Christ, He gives us joy.
It all balls down to Our Identity. Christians today don't know who they really are, and pastors and leaders are also included in this. In the mornings my mom usually has the TV on with some pastor preaching in the mornings, but some of the things they are saying/teaching doesn't line up with my spirit, and I can go to the Bible and point out where it says otherwise.
Pastors, Leaders, Teachers, just Christians in general have taught me to live a life of always asking for forgiveness, I had a sin conscience, always scared I was going to mess up. Now think about it for a minute, "Does God want us to live a life of always living on the edge, scared we might mess up?" I was always taught ask for forgiveness always when you mess up, so I was constantly messing up and asking for forgiveness over every BIG and little thing, and asking God to forgive me of my sins I didn't even know I committed. It was bad, and me living the life of rules, I can't do this, I have to do this, just gave me fuel to sin more. Because there is no way that we can keep all those standards...NO WAY possible. And guess who's teaching us this, the church, not saying that it's your church, it's churches in general. It's sad, but it's true, it's happening, and it's a chain reaction.
So didn't Jesus die for our sins. Was it just our past sins? No, past, present, and future. Think about it this way were we physically alive when Jesus was crucified, no so that day when Jesus died wouldn't that place our sins in the future since we weren't even born yet?
When we are constantly asking for forgiveness we're putting Christ back on the cross. Jesus died once and for all. He was our ultimate sacrifice. We've been forgiven for all our sins. But that's where repentance comes in, we have to live in a constant renewal of our mind.
The church's mindset is still in legalism. Jesus came and fulfilled the law. All the law brought was the knowledge of sin, showing us that we can't live without Christ. It's not on our own performances but Christ performing through us. When we try to do the right things we find that we often fail because we find that we can't do things out of our own strength but the strength of God.
Also we find in this scripture:

Galatians 2:19-20 (New King James Version)

19 For I through the law died to the law that I might live to God. 20 I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

When we were first born, we were born in Adam, sinners, but when we are born again, we are born in Christ. Therefore are we still "sinners saved by grace." Because it says "I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me."
Our old man has died, so if Christ lives in me what does that make me? Well I am no longer a sinner. Christ lives His life through me so think of it like this, "I am a saint, who sometimes sin." that sounds a lot better, now doesn't it.

2 Corinthians 5:17-20 (New King James Version)

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 18 Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, 19 that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
20 Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God.

Since Christ is righteous what does that make us since Christ lives His life through us, it is "no longer I who live but Christ lives in me." So does that make me righteous since He is righteous?

2 Corinthians 5:21 (New King James Version)

21 For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

The book of Ephesians list the blessings we have in Christ.

Christ is our deliverer, healer, redeemer, etc. So why tell Christians it'd be a process to being delivered or you have to do this or that to be healed all we have to do is trust and believe what God's word says. He gives life not death. We blame God for a lot of things such as deaths, sicknesses, tragedies, etc, but it's not God. Satan came to steal, kill, and destroy. Yes that's a well known scripture but it seems people aren't still getting the simple truth of this scripture.

God has given us life, not death.

Oh and so many thinks that things has to be a process as for deliverence for example of things were struggling with. Well the only deliverer there is is Jesus. He's the only one who can deliver us. It's not a process just receive what Christ has given us. Receive what we have in Christ. Trust and believe and know who you are in Christ. Because when we get the revelation our old sin nature has died and then we're made alive in Christ, our whole mindset changes. It's not the matter that I "can't" do this, it's the fact I "don't want" to do this and it's not the fact I "have" to do this, it's the fact I "want" to do this. Because we now have the mind of Christ.
When we have a list of things to do and not to do and processes to do this to be blessed or steps to anything else, that's law. What did Jesus come to fulfill so we would no longer be bound to it?

Matthew 5:17 (New King James Version)

Christ Fulfills the Law
  
17 “Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill.

There's only one thing the law produces...

Romans 3:20 (New King James Version)

20 Therefore by the deeds of the law no flesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law is the knowledge of sin.

Romans 5:20-21 (New King James Version)

20 Moreover the law entered that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more, 21 so that as sin reigned in death, even so grace might reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

So when we are born again we are no longer under the law. All unbelievers are condemned because all they have is the law, but when we're born again, the law; we're no longer bound to. We're freed from the law.

Romans 6:14 (New King James Version)

14 For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.

We have authority now over everything. We are alive and Christ is living through us and we're righteous because he is righteous. How awesome is that!?!

1 John 3:7 (New International Version)

7Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. He who does what is right is righteous, just as He is righteous.

Now does that mean we may mess up sometimes? Yes, it does, but don't beat yourselves up about it, trust in what God has done and move on. We have to live a life of repentance, it's a life of constantly renewing your mind. It's a change of mind...

Remember we have been forgiven once and for all.
We are righteous because He is righteous and He lives His life through us.
We are no longer under law but under grace.
We have authority.
We are healed and delivered from anything that has kept us bound.
We just have to trust and believe what Christ has given us.

Now if this isn't a message for someone to give their life to Christ, to want what we believers have, I don't know what will.

God is such a gracious God. The law was only there to show us we can't live this life alone, we need Him, and He was so gracious and merciful to send His son to fulfill the law...When was it fulfilled? At the cross, "It is finished." We have been forgiven once and for all there is nothing we do to be forgiven, we just accept, trust, and believe. WOW!!! God is a gracious God!

The weight of the world

I feel Like life has changed drastically over the past few days, yet it hasn't. I just know that God is doing a work in my life. I felt empty and alone for a while, doing everything I knew to feel Him, but that was the problem I was just wrapped around "doing." I fell back into my old habit, I kept just doing and doing and worrying about things which I have no control over. After getting off the phone with a friend a few days back, late that night I was just left thinking. Finally I felt as if God was just speaking to me. I needed to start resting in the finished work of Christ. It's so easy to get side tracted and take things in our own hands and that's when things start going crazy. I needed to sit back, rest, trust God that He is doing what's best for us, and no matter what we will be taken care of. The joy that I have felt over the past few days I haven't felt in such a long time. I finally feel His loving arms wrapped tightly around me.

     It's so easy to fall back into the law mind-set when we take our eyes off the finished work of Christ. It's so easy to start focusing on just the natural when our eyes are taken off of Christ. With God all things are possible --- when keeping my eyes on Christ I see the supernatural.

   I just couldn't get words out of my head that was spoke to me a little over a month ago. Focusing on that, it seemed things started to go further downhill. Now I'm using these words as a motivation in trusting God that He knows what's best for our family. I was looking for so much acknowledgement/approval because of the things that have been said and eyes that have looked down upon us. It hurt me greatly and I started feeling so lonely and completely misunderstood. Fact is, no one knows our situation like we do, no one knows what's best for our family other than us and God. No matter how many negative words or looks that we recieve towards our decisions we know we're doing something right, simply because our trust is in God. Where we were three years ago compared to today is completely a miracle. God has enrichly blessed us. Something God revealed to me, (something I knew, but had to be reminded of) I'm not the standard girl. I'm a bit old school, another reason why I'm looked at differently. The scriptures that I have read since that night God has revealed to me that no matter what words are being said I am doing something right. I am so far from perfect you can ask anyone who really knew me in Louisiana or my husband, no one knows my past like they do. I still have issues that I struggle with but when God showed me the things that He has in the past few days what a relief I felt. I don't need anyone's approval. God already loves me the way that I am and having my husband and daughter makes it even better. Acceptance is always something I struggled with but it's not what's important. All that matters is that I'm accepted by the One on high, what more can I ask for. No matter what His love is unconditional and He is with us every step of the way. Our trust is completely in God and He reamains faithful. No matter what any one says or does we feel in our heart what we are doing is what's best for us and we ask God to guide us in all things.

We need no one's approval other than His! We simply need to let the world stop defining who we are, we are Children of God. God always remains faithful and provides for His children.

Children - Our Greatest Imitators

      I am constantly learning from my daughter. Over the past few weeks she has been mimicking me in so many ways. This encourages me but frightens me greatly. While we were listening to Spirit 105.9 the other day, Amelia lifts her hands in the air, eyes squinted, spinning, and just singing aloud. She was praising! That made my heart melt. I was simply amazed at what she was doing, and she continues to do it. This encourages me to continue reading to her, continue playing praise and worship music, and continue praying with her as a family. I get so frightened because it seems as if she is imitiating my every move. I have to be on my toes all the time. I have said/done/and watched things in front of her that should not have been. We know we all have so I'm not afraid to say this. But I do know that I want to raise my daughter in the best way possible. I don't want to tell her not to do something as she gets older and she sees me doing the very thing I asked her not to. This world is full of hypocrisy, especially in the church, and I especially don't want to fall in that category. I am continuously asking God to strenghten me, give me the right heart in every situation and circumstance and to speak through me. I want my daughter to come from a strong Christian background. I want her to know who she is in Christ. I know as I continue to do these things, with God guiding us, she will be in great hands. I guess it is a good thing that it does frighten me because it pushes me to do right, not just in front of her but all the time.

     It's funny how we are constantly learning from her as we are the ones teaching her. The pureness and love that a child has can teach us so many things. It pushes me to be the best mother I can be for her, although I do know the world will try to distort her view, this is the very reason why we teach her this early on. Love can break so many obstacles and bring so much freedom and as she gets older I want her to know and remember truely what love is. We, her parents, can only teach her this. This is why we must stay grounded in who we are!

Letting go

Reality; tug-of-war
Losing grip
Rope slipping between finger tips 
Soon, won't be able to hold on
Tearing muscles
Blistering hands
Feet are slipping off the sand

Weak and weary
The fight is almost gone
"It's" just way too strong
No longer can I hold on
Letting go
I scream relentlessly...
Believing I'm in defeat
Falling to my knees;
In frustration and agony

I gave up!
"It" has won
...
...
WOW
What have I just done!

In grave disappointment and such disbelief
Feeling a force lift my head
Eyes widen
I finally see
"It" was in defeat
Me; victory

No longer in captivity
No longer in control
I...just had to let go...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's so hard to hand over the control completely to God, even though I know that is what must be done. Especially to no longer be captive to life's curve balls. Right now this is what I'm learning to do...seems like this is always what I'm learning. It's like I get it; then just forget it... I don't want to do that anymore. I know when always "letting go" and handing the control to God things go so much smoother but why must it be so hard to just Let go??? (Rhetorical question)

I know He is the ultimate provider. We would not be where we are today, not even close, if it weren't for Him. Lord just help me somehow someway to hand COMPLETE control to you and to "let go" of these things that my husband nor myself have "control" over.

Alot of my thoughts jumbled together...

What is real? This is a question I have come to ask myself alot. In this society we have completely fooled ourselves into what is real. It's as if we have to become fake in order to even be noticed a little. We lie to everyone but most of all we lie to ourselves. We alter our minds in order to match up with today's society. We hate being left out, we love being accepted; therefore in some cases we will do whatever it takes! It's crazy and most of us will say, "not me" but in all honesty can you say that you never changed or did things differently to be accepted. If your answer is a yes, I don't believe you for a second. It's our human nature to want to be loved and accepted by everyone but sadly it doesn't happen. We say,"we're okay" but we're dying on the inside. We smile often but on the inside we're screaming out in agony. We laugh and say that we enjoy life to it's fullest but in all reality we are crying out in anguish wanting/waiting for someone to see behind the masks.

Most of us where masks, no one really knows anyone anymore. We're so full of lies that we ourselves have start to believe them. This country is fake, I see so many who are hurting. They say they are fine but look deep into their eyes. You'll begin to read their story. We lie because we're scared. "What will they say, how will they look at me, no one will like me anymore." We're so wrapped up in the world now that, that's all that matters to us. What will they think,say, or do when the truth comes out.  We need to stop lying to ourselves. We need to stop being fake; face our problems head on, own up to our mistakes, make things right, be happy with who we are. We were made the way we were inwardly and outwardly for a purpose! Stop trying to alter your personality to be liked or accepted. It's not right!!!
Why make others happy only if it will make you miserable in the end??? Everyone has issues, don't be ashamed.  With every obstacle that comes our way triumphs are there awaiting our arrival! Don't try to match up to other's standards...it won't work. No matter how well it looks on the outside, everyone has there share of problems... We need to stop the denial, stop being ashamed and start owning up to our "normal" lives...   some might ask "What is normal???"

Everyone has there own "normal". Normal will never be the same for one person; if it was this would be one boring place to live...Our normalities, but to others, "ab"normalities, is what makes this thing called life so beautiful! I'm just sick of people doing things just to be approved, welcomed, and loved by others and leave feeling empty in the end... Is feeling empty ever worth it, do you ever gain anything??? You find out who your REAL friends are when you are REAL with them! Everyone has issues... embrace them, don't let them ruin you! Everyone has a story! You're not the only one...don't ever be ashamed of who you are...

No one person has a better story than another. Each one deals with real people, real lives, and true feelings. Believe it or not each story is about survival and triumphs. Each story is our story!!!

A lot of time has passed...My journey! Where I am today!

I'm a little upset because of what was written first is now accidentally deleted. But it's nowhere to be found so I hope this is as good if not better than my other entry...

God really has been doing a work in my life. Who would have guessed this would be me 4 years ago, with the addiction I was fighting everyday. My life was literally a daily struggle and I was tired of just surviving...It's a miracle that I'm alive today and have the life I have! It's all God! He knew the people I needed in my life. I don't think they knew what encouragement they were or if I even listened to them. Every encouraging word and loving act really was taken to heart. They just couldn't fully wrap their head around the fact that the addiction would just not "end". They really didn't understand that I was fighting for my life...although I tried ending it multiple times. They didn't understand I was tired of just survivng and struggling everyday of my life...It was waring on me and making me literally sick many of times... I was tired and if this is what my life would consist of I wanted no part of it... But I wanted to live...I didn't want to be another statistic... Contradictory, right?!? I know, I don't expect anyone to understand if they never had to deal with an addiction. It's hard to even fathom a lot of what I'm saying sure...especially if you never knew me. I tried "quitting" cold upfront many of times on my own...it's nearly impossible...Matter of fact IMPOSSIBLE!!! Without relapsing of course! Which I did! The thing that pushed me away was CHRISTIANS!!! Go figure, we Christians really mess up when we get into religious ways! That's why I absolutely HATE religion. I know what it does! I always had a heart to serve and I truely loved Christ with everything in me. Even though I never understood alot I knew in my heart that I absolutely loved God. I could always feel God tugging on my heart, but hypocricy pushed me away. People telling me to fall down and repent, without acknowledging the wrong they were doing, but so quick to point fingers. Also I was/am a lot smarter than people take me to be. Sometimes I just play dumb and follow along to avoid arguments or me having to have an explanation. ( verbally, I struggle with having to explain myself but not on paper.) With this being said, I was exorcised on. I was "demon possessed"; though people thought. I fell into these lies telling me, "there's more to it. Something else happened." I was being brainwashed (at that point I didn't really understand 'brainwashing was what was happening') but I put that on myself I feel like a lot of times just because I didn't speak up and ask these church leaders... See I knew darkness and light simply can't abide together. Even though I had dark moments in my life does not mean I was "demon possessed" I simply had struggles and needed to get the right revelation... Now I hold no grudges against these people at all but I do pray these things are revealed to them if they haven't already... My struggles had a lot to do with what went on and what was happening in my life...why I fell into so much. I could never get a break it seemed without something else happening. I was so young and didn't know how to escape the pain... but watching the blood flow freely was my only way. (You have no idea how hard or how long it took for me to even write that) sometimes I just want to forget that this was even me; but It's the complete truth. It was an ongoing cycle that I couldn't break. I was alone, rejected, abandonded, and the only place I thought I could get away from things; bullied at school. (Many may not believe that I was bullied but so much was said to me or joked about me that I simply never said much about, I didn't want to make a bigger deal than what it was). Do I want you to feel pity for me absolutely NOT! Because I'm FREE and have peace beyond any peace I've ever known... You might ask why is this even written. One of two reasons...the first for me, I personally felt like I had to do it. You know the tugging on your heart and it won't stop until you actually do it...well God's been tugging on my heart for a while and it's just been getting more intense...and the second don't be a Christian to get mixed in with religiosity! That's the main reason people stay away because of all the hypocrits! Be like Jesus, give a loving hand to someone in need and not condemnation. People just want to be listened to and loved. God will do the rest! You might think I am done; but No! Not yet! You haven't even really begun to understand my story. I had a pretty horrible addiction to cutting, even turned to burning, and carved words onto my body...Sounds crazy, right!?! Ha(sarcasm) I was the definition of crazy and absolutely hated myself for it! No matter how hard I tried it'd get worse and worse! Taking pills even at some points not even knowing what I took. That's why I said God was protecting me tremendously. I wanted to die, sincerly prayed for death. And other times I was completely frightened of what was to come after some stupid decisions...afraid that I may actually not make it...especially when I went TOO far into my skin, when I had a sharper, thinner blade. I was scared to death. Didn't know what was to come...that's where I agreed to "exorcising sessions". Gosh there have been some twists and turns... Sadly that was not the last time I inflicted pain on myself...May 20th 2008 is that day! WAIT!? What!? I thought you said it's impossible to cold upfront?! And it is! Although that's the last day I succeeded in cutting doesn't erase the fact I never tried inflicting pain on myself again...I have! But never completely finished. I knew I didn't want to live that life again so I started doing other things, which I'm not proud of and clearly could have turned into an addiction. One move that saved me was attending a Bible College. That is the place that I learned so much truth. One of the first things that were said which would also be the toughest thing to do is erase everything you think you already know. It's like a baby being born for the first time and having to relearn or actually learn the complete truth for the first time. How do you know it's complete truth, because the teacher did some talking but as a guide. The Holy Spirit did the rest by opening our eyes to what the Word says. Not taking the verses out of context to fit our daily life but taking it for what it actually means and who it's referring to. I never understood the Bible because I never took it for what it actually said but when I finally started reading and understanding. Things started making since to me; I was actually understanding God's word for the first time. I was understanding the Father's unconditional love and that His grace actually is AMAZING!!! I also understood what was done on the cross was for past, present, and future! All those sins I committed were died for even before I was in my mother's womb. I'm forgiven now and forever! Not understanding that is putting Christ on the Cross again but that's not right! It Is FINISHED!!! Getting these revelations...is what brought my freedom!!! Technically I was already free but it's when you not only understand in your mind but also in your heart is what brings the freedom alive! Wow God is good! I don't just say that when things are in my favor either. I say that because no matter what God is good! Although I may not see the end outcome until it actually happens He knows what's best for us. He protects His children! And clearly I am His child and He is my Father...

Because of this freedom I am able to live a life I never expected to. I have a man that loves me unconditionally a love that I have never known before other than from my Heavenly Father. I can't explain it! It feels amazing. I have such a beautiful family, something I never pictured before but they are the love of my life. I just pray that God continues to mold me into the wife/mother that they so much deserve! Yes!!! God is good all the time!

Verses will follow at a later time...