Sitting in the corner shedding dry tears and watching the drops of blood flow. Praying for something fatal to happen. Hoping, wishing, wanting for life to end. Living under the blade for security and comfort; searching in all the wrong places...
Nearly killing myself with one slitting of the wrist. My eyes were awakened. Did I really want to live this life? Risking my life just about everyday with this. I chose I wanted that life, no longer. I agreed to help.
A year ago with just that one decision. That one decision of picking up the blade, little did I know it'd become a lifestyle, an addiction.
I'm finally becoming free of this. I'm having to learn to face my emotional pain and hide behind the blade no longer.
There are times I just want to run back to the blade but I look at how far I've come in the past month. I look at what my God is performing in my life and ask myself, "Do I want that old depressing life" or "Do I want this joyous life I'm finally receiving?"
My answer, "I want this new upbeat life, where I'm actually enjoying life and not hating every moment of it."
I can honestly say I'm finally truly happy.
I struggle, just like any other person. I cry, I hurt...
But I'm now learning how to face these pains without producing more pain in my life.
And I find peace beyond everything else from my Lord Jesus Christ!
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