My thoughts shared

                In a world of busyness it's so easy to get tangled up in things that simply don't matter. In the end it won't be our jobs, cars, houses, phones, etc. standing next to us but our family, our loved ones. They are what matters.
                I have come with the realization that a broken home is not just where parents and children are separated but it can very well be "the perfect family." In fact this is the life of many now.
               We don't pursue our spouses anymore, we don't pursue our children, and most of all we don't pursue our Heavenly Father like we should. We are so worried about our homes being in pristine condition, being so caught up in our jobs, meeting deadlines, our phones, and what's going on in the social media world than in our own family's lives.
               Our spouse and children are sitting next to us craving our attention and we can't even given them that. We are drowning in the things of this world and are wondering why things are happening but a lot of it is because we obviously have put our priorities on the back burner. Our spouses are not burdens, our children are not burdens and we need to stop treating them as though they are.
                I get on my phone a lot once I am able to sit down and am most definitely portraying the wrong message to my family and I am doing my best to break this habit. I just want to drown out all the noise and everything around me especially if it was a rough day, but a lot of times I feel worse when getting off of it. That must say something in itself.
               I had a dream last night, an absolutely horrible one. I dreamt that my oldest daughter and I were in some sort of argument and all of a sudden I hear the words, "I hate you." I woke up feeling completely sick to my stomach. Words I never, ever want to hear from anyone of my children. I felt as though I was stabbed.
               It brought me back to the many arguments and tears that were shed with my mother. I can only imagine how she felt when I said such very harsh words to her when I was a teen. So this had me examine my life.
              I have been hit hard the past two weeks. I have felt so beaten to the core. I don't know if I'm going through a season of brokenness or what. I have realized when I discipline my words weren't bringing encouragement but really tearing them down. (It literally hurts to even write this.)
             Raising children is literally no joke. It's hard. So hard. I have been an emotional wreck lately because yes, I feel like I fail them so much. My love for them is undeniable. They are what I live for. I want the best for them. When they hurt, I hurt. When they succeed, I am one proud Momma. They make my heart ache with happiness because of how proud I am of them. My girls are literally the best. Yes, they disobey at times, they're children. I mean who doesn't mess up. This is only a season and before I know it they'll be grown and out of the house. I keep reminding myself of this.
             First of all I have messed up with not making God first in my life. I have made other things more important than my relationship with Him. I mean if I'm not pursuing Him what does it teach my children and it explains why I've been the way I've been with everyone including my husband.
             Each morning I have been praying that I can be gentle with my words and that my words brings life and are uplifting. That my words will build up my family and not break them down. Words are powerful. Very powerful. I of all people know this.
            No wonder we have so many "broken" families. We see where this world is going and it's because we have let others or things influence our way in thinking and behaving and it has taken a toll. After all ministry begins in the home and if the home is "broken" there is no ministry. Fix the home first then go elsewhere.
             My prayer is that I continue to pursue my relationship with my Heavenly Father and lay all things aside that really does not matter so that I can grow to have an ever deeper relationship and in that I'll be the wife and mother He has called me to be. With Him I find peace and joy.
           

                     *Just some personal thoughts I wanted to share.